Because if you must call, please make it quick.

I hate the phone.  All of my friends know this.  Some of my friends even call me and begin the conversation with, “I know you hate talking on the phone but…” Whenever my phone rings, a loud, exasperated sigh is released followed by a back and forth on whether I should answer.  Depending on who it is, I’ll answer in hopes that they know they have about 5 minutes to state their case before I make up an excuse to hang up.  If I don’t answer, I’ll respond via text with an excuse as to why I can’t talk, but can only text.  I much rather spend time conversing with someone face to face than over the phone.

Let’s be clear, the reason I hate the phone is not because I’m self absorbed or I don’t care about my friends.  In your time of need, call me.  That’s how I’ll know it’s serious.  Otherwise I find phone conversations intrusive and annoying.  I can’t explain why I do, I just do.  Everyone has their thing, this is mine.  Still, some people are phone people and will insist on calling you.  If that’s you, use this guide on how to maneuver an introvert on the phone.

Spare yourself.

Perhaps your question is text-able.  If it is, spare yourself an early dismissal from the phone and shoot over a text.

Call with the subject already in mind.

If you absolutely must call, please already have your subject and top three points ready to be discussed.  There’s nothing more annoying than a directionless conversation. We don’t, “shoot the breeze.”

Get to the point.

After we both answer, “How are you?” spare me with anymore forms of small talk.  We are uncomfortable as it is.  Please don’t make it worse with mindless chatter.  Them: “What’d you do today?” Me: “Stuff.  What do you want?

Don’t put us on hold.

We’ll hang up and then text you that our phone is dying.  It’s a great escape for us.

Just let us go.

Know that we’ve planned our escape from the moment we answered the phone.  Accept it and then let it happen.  Even if we’re really enjoying the conversation, the moment there is an awkward silence, we will execute Operation Solitude.

Don’t insist that we need better communication skills.

That’s the fastest way to get an introvert off the phone.  My communication skills are very good but I use the phone for a select few.  Phone conversations don’t make you an effective communicator; listening, comprehending and responding in an appropriate manner, makes you an effective communicator.