Hello World, Introverts and Extroverts included!
My name is Marsha B. and I am an introvert. What exactly does that mean? Well, if you want the true definition of an introvert, don’t look in the dictionary. We’ve been described as self absorbed, antisocial, loners, sensitive and just flat out strange. We’re told that we are socially awkward (true for me), distant, rude and standoffish. The truth is, there is a wide range of introversion and anyone can fall on the spectrum. Through this site I hope to educate others on what introversion is as well as provide tips and tricks on how to be a successful introvert in all areas of your life.
A little about me.
I am a socially awkward introvert that resides in Brooklyn, NY. I think I first realized my awkwardness when I was a teenager. I had to attend summer school and throughout the entire month and a half of sitting in the smelly Earth Science class, I spoke to absolutely no one. I wondered why it was so difficult to approach someone and introduce myself. I’d sit by myself, eat by myself and travel by myself. I wasn’t necessarily a loner, but I couldn’t grasp the concept of introducing myself to a stranger and holding a conversation with them. As time went on, I noticed that social settings made me completely uncomfortable. But why? Most times I knew everyone in the room. Still, I was anxious to return home. I felt drained and out of place. I’d become annoyed with conversations and zone out.
Fast forward to my 30’s where I discovered my love for fashion and writing. I started a blog called, MarshBar’s Closet. Developing my blog meant I had to go to events and network. I HATED that. I’d always invite a friend as my crutch. They’d talk to the people for me and I’d stand there and figure out the appropriate time to jump in and introduce myself. That’s how I networked. I’d find myself at some of the coolest industry parties but I’d be itching to return to the safety of my home. My motto became, “I came, I saw, I left early.” God forbid I didn’t have my crutch with me, I’d stand in a corner on my phone and patiently wait for someone to spark up a conversation with me. It was so annoying but it worked! As time went on, I built my network. No matter the event I attended, I’d always find someone I knew and kindly latch on to them.
I’d beat myself up over the way I acted in public. I hated club scenes or anything that wasn’t small or intimate. Why was I unable to connect with people publicly? Why was I more comfortable alone? Why did starting conversations give me anxiety? I wasn’t a shy person, but I wasn’t the type to just put myself out there. Don’t get me wrong, I knew tons of people and I generally felt comfortable in settings where I knew everyone but an hour or two into the gathering, I’d be ready to go home. As time went on, I realized I’m an introvert! The comfort I felt in knowing there was nothing wrong with me lifted the unnecessary stress. I always knew I was socially awkward. That was a no-brainer. I was eventually told by a doctor that I suffer from social anxiety. Duh. In hindsight I can see how it’s all connected.
For the people who know me personally, they know of my social anxiety and introverted personality. I’m often referred to as the “grandma,” or an “old soul.” Sometimes my friends joke that they prefer me when I’m drunk because I’m less in my head and more in the moment. I was always the one to say, “You guys go ahead, I’m gonna go home.” I’d go places and people would say, “Are you sure you had fun? Why do you have to leave?” I’d have to convince them that despite me sitting in the corner observing the room and texting my BFF to devise a getaway plan, I had a blast! I am who I am. You can always count on me to leave early. It’s my specialty. I was blessed to find an ambivert (an even mix of introversion and extroversion), who never wants to go anywhere that involves too many people. I love it! We go, we see, we leave early.
In any case, I learned more about myself and why I often seek solitude. I have to recharge. It’s a lot of energy conversing with so many people. I get overwhelmed. I sit down to take it all in. I text to distract myself. I’m ready to leave so I can get my energy back. Dis tew much! My introversion is how I was able to subconsciously enter the field of journalism. Introverts often take up a career in journalism because it is an outlet that allows your thoughts to be public without you having to be present. I created this platform because there are so many of us out there! I’ve learned to love everything about my awkwardness, introversion and anxiety. It’s who God made me to be. I am who I am. Thank you for joining me on this journey.