Originally posted 11/16/2020
I've always had a love/hate relationship with my body. During my 30's, I gained tons of weight and as a result, my confidence took a blow. I'd try dieting and working out, but I'd always end up in the same cycle of making poor choices when it came to food.
After going through a "breakup", something in me shifted. When you embrace the healing process, you open new portals in your subconscious. Choosing myself allowed me to really understand my worth and what I deserve. As a result, I began to lean into my healing in a way that shifted how I treated myself. I began to eat better, affirm my beauty, and really understand my value.
Once that portal opened, my relationship to food changed! No lie. My addiction to sugar has always been overwhelming for me. I could go through bags of candy, boxes of cookies, cupcakes and cakes in a single sitting. I craved sweets often and resorted to emotional eating for gratification. Whether I was happy, sad, angry, or disappointed, I rewarded myself with sugar. Well, the second that portal opened my tastebuds recognized and rejected a majority of sweets. My tolerance for sugar minimized significantly.
Fast forward two months and 20 lbs later, I feel the best I've felt in years. Although the weight loss is great, it is a huge adjustment! I'm enjoying the boost in confidence and I won't front, the extra attention will take some time to get used to. What I've learned is that no matter what, whether big or small, my worth and value is still the same. The confidence is rooted in taking better care of myself, not in how big or small I've become.
Anyway, the morning after I returned from New Orleans, I was scheduled for a photo shoot that would require me to wear a swimsuit. Although my confidence was there, but I was pretty skeptical about putting new body out there in a two-piece swimsuit. Because I made a commitment, I sucked it up and decided to rip the bandaid off. I shouldn't be so surprised by this, but I looked so good!
I had an honest moment with myself where I got to witness the woman I'm evolving into. Again, it was less about weight loss and more about an overall analysis of how feeling good on the inside transcends to the outward appearance.